


if i could sniff a cat

by Valson



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Allergies, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Cats, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Humor, M/M, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), broganes, keith and pidge brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 10:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12769122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valson/pseuds/Valson
Summary: When Keith overhears Lance saying that he adores people who try to make friends with strange cats, he uses this as a plan to catch Lance’s attentionProblem is, Keith has a cat and dog related allergy..aka 5 times that Keith tries to seduce Lance by inhaling every random animal he sees on the street, and the 1 time it leads to an actual date, aka 5k of Keith just being fucking stupid





	if i could sniff a cat

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a crack fic I wrote to celebrate that there are now over 5k lovely people following our fic recs on klanceficatalogue! Wooo
> 
> Shoutout to the other admins, whom I love, to [the anon](https://klanceficatalogue.tumblr.com/post/163713845027/for-the-follower-thing-i-request-crazy-crack) who brewed up the idea to write crack fic, and to my friend Vy, for reading this through for me <33
> 
> I filled this thing with as many pieces of bullshit as my brain could barf up, so I hope you enjoy c:

_tk tk tktktk tktktktk_

Keith drills his newly sharpened pencil on the surface of his desk and watches the tip crumble off into dust.

_tktktkt tktk tktktktkt_

Could graphite dust be used as a replacement for glitter? He taps his forefinger in the heap that used to be a quarter of his pencil and rubs it over his thumb. He grins. It does shimmer nicely. Maybe he could even carry it around in his pocket! He reaches for the pencil sharpener to make more.

 _PATS._ Pidge slaps his hand away without looking up from their textbook.

He huffs. “Pidge, let me have this.”

They slowly look up to stare him dead in the face.

“But Pidge, look!” He almost pokes them in the eye with his shimmering finger. “It’s emo glitter,” he whispers. “It’s perfect.” When Pidge draws their eyebrows together, he dips his finger in his heap again and says, “Hereby I baptize, you Pidge, a Gay. An Emo Gay.” He draws a Simba arc on their forehead. “Here!” He flutters a hand over his pile of pencil-glitter. “Now you do me!”

Pidge look at the ceiling for patience. “Dude, I have to study for this test. Focus, please.”

Keith exhales the longest silent ne boii and slumps in his chair. “Piiiiiidge :((” He taps their table with his pencil. “No con-cen-tra-tion.” He leans forward on his elbows. “My head is slowly boiling to Pastel Peter’s level of exam insanity,” he hisses.

They’re both still for a beat, and then their heads turn in sync to the table that Pastel Peter will defend with hIS liFE, as they witnessed, twice. The poor dudes were still shaken an hour after they saw Normally Nice Pastel Peter transform into Exam Explosive Pastel Peter with wild eyes and passive-aggressive insults that would put Grandma’s to shame. (take thAT grams!) It was a such a nice show during their study break and Keith still thinks about it fondly.

Today there’s a ring of empty chairs around Pastel Peter except for two very brave girls... though it’s also possible they’re just hella ignorant. His entire desk and a bit of wall have been taped full of neon yellow and fluorescent pink sticky notes that are scribbled to the brim. His perfectly gelled down hair is sticking up like the spikes they put on ridges to prevent pigeons from pooping on people’s faces, and the bags under his eyes look like could carry a tiny pig. With his shoulders pulled over his ears he glares at the whispering girls like he’s planning a Verbal Smackdown part 3.

“Just look at him!” Keith hisses. His own eye begins to twitch. “I. Can. Not. Deall. With. This.” Every word is emphasized by a stab of this pencil on the desk, making Keith’s pencil pile of glitter collapse over their notes.

“Dude!” Pidge hiss back, throwing up their arms. “I do nOT need your pencil dust over my shit.” They take a deep breath. “Fine, jeez. Just, get outta my face. Go get coffee or something.”

“Fuck ye BYe.” Keith pulls on his jacket. “Want anything?”

“As many espresso shots as they can fit in a Venti.”

Keith stares at his best friend and prays for their soul. He nods solemnly. “Anything for my Pidge in Pain.” He gathers his stuff and marches towards the stairs. He passes rows and rows and rows of zombie students. Ahh,, nope. His dead people watching quota for this afternoon is fULL, thank you. pls tank coffee for more space.

He walks past a table where someone heaves a sigh so heavy Keith can feel the dude’s life light escape on his breath and try to make extraterrestrial contact with his own knowledge about shoes. Askjdsh hurry, coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.

A few stories down, Keith comes across the mummified forest, a space filled with shelves of old books and some hidden nooks. Keith sighs wistfully as he walks to the next flight of stairs. This is the perfect place to study. It’s just too bad the desks are always taken.  

“Dude, that’s great!”

Keith whips his head towards the voice so fast he pulls a muscle.. 5 muscles.. his head is stuck. CrAMP HE'S DYING.

“Shh, Lance not so loud!”

Ayy it is him! Keith stands frozen until he feels like he can breathe again without it stabbing him in the neck and then rolls behind some bookcases to hear more of that lovely screech he could recognize out of a thousand recorded aaahhhHH’s.

“Okay okay,” Lance continues in a hushed tone. That boy can’t whisper for shit. “When are you guys going on a date?”

“Thursday, we’re going to play with the dogs they’ve got in the animals shelter where she volunteers.”

“Aw man, that’s adorable!”

The other man sighs dreamily. “Yeah”

“You know, she sounds like the kind of person who would try to befriend random animals on the street. Like those people who completely light up when they see a strange cat and try to catch their attention with cute noises and shit.”

Hunk squeals. “Omg! I bet she does.”

“Those people are one of my favourites, man,” Lance says a bit strangled. “They’re just so kind hearted.”

“Sooo kind hearted.”

“I have to find someone like that to date me, too”

“Aw, I’m sure you will!” 

“IT'S IMPORTANT HUNK"

“I know, buddy. I support you.”

Keith’s mouth has dropped open from his sprawl behind the bookcases. He has seen the light. A fog has lifted before his eyes. The mummified forest of magic has gifted him with the most perfect plan to seduce Lance: inhaling every random animal on the street and making sure Lance spots him doing it.

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_1  
_

A few days later, when Keith is walking across campus on his way to class, it happens. Lance is walking his way. He frantically looks around for an animal so he can put his plan to action.

Then he spots an orange cat, lying on the pavement in a patch of sunlight about 15 yards away. Keith’s eyes widen and dead-ass sprints to the cat. “Ohmmhamam fluff,” he says, burying his face in it’s fur. The cat lets out a disgruntled meow, but accepts Keith’s weird form of affection.

Lance didn’t approach him :(

Later that day, Keith waits for the class to start and just feels very annoyed. His eyes had started itching and it. did. not. go. away, no matter how hard he rubbed them. He tries again.

“Hey loser.” The chair next to him scrapes over the floor. “What’s up?”

Keith drops his hand and sighs. “Nothing. My eyes feel a bit itchy.” He turns to watch Pidge unpack their stuff, when they suddenly sit down.

“Holy shit, dude. Are you okay?”

Their eyebrows are furrowed in concern, but Keith is just confused. “What do you mean?”

“Bro, your eyes are all puffy and red, what happened?”

“Nothing?? My eyes just feel itchy?”

“Are you sure?” Pidge’s eyes soften. “You don't have to tell me if you don’t want to. But, you know, I’m here.” They put their hand on Keith’s shoulder.

Keith feels even more confused. He takes in their slightly raised brows and open expression, and then it clicks. “I haven’t been crying!” he bursts out. “Pidge! My eyes are just itchy!”

Pidge studies him. “If you say so,” they say slowly. They both turn forward when the teacher announces the start of the class.

During class, Keith is getting trouble breathing, and when they’re packing up their stuff at the end, his breaths are rattling lightly.

“Okay nope, this isn’t sadness,” Pidge says, putting a hand on their hip. “What the fuck did you do.”

“I cuddled one of the cats on campus.”

“Why.”

“Well. Do you remember that day in the library?” Keith asks. “I overheard Lance that day and he said he wants to date someone who make friends with strange cats. So I’m gonna.” He nods, filled with determination.

“You fucking idiot.” Pidge pinches the bridge of their nose. “Have you forgotten? You’re _allergic._ ”

Keith falls silent for a moment. “Oh, yeah.”

Pidge rolls their eyes. “Let’s go.”

**

Pidge kicks open the front door of Keith’s and Shiro’s apartment. “Shiro?” They call.

“In here.” It comes from the kitchen.

“Shiro, do you happen to have any antihistamine pills?"

“Antihistamine? Those anti-allergy things?” Shiro puts down a plate and turns around, a dish rag in his hands. “What for?”

Pidge gestures with the most done jazz hands ever towards Keith, who stands sheepishly in the doorway with his eyes that are almost swollen shut.

“Dear shit! What happened?” Shiro says, getting some ice and wrapping it in a paper towel. “Keith, go lie down on the couch.”

“Apparently he thinks the best way to win over his crush is to rub his face into the cats on campus. “

“Honestly, Shiro, it’s not that bad,” Keith says as Shiro guides him to the couch and hands him the ice.

“Put this on your eyes,” Shiro says, and goes back to the kitchen.

“Not that bad? Dude!” Pidge says. “On the way here you told me that it feels like you’re breathing through a hole in your throat?? That’s not how shit’s supposed to be.”

Keith shrugs. The ice burns on his eyelids.

Shiro bangs around in the kitchen. “I’m sure we used to have a box of antihistamine.” Tea boxes clatter on the kitchen counter. “It should be— ahah!” Shiro pulls a box out of the cupboard. “No, these are cough drops.” He keeps digging. “But dude, you didn't actually rub your face in a cat, right?”

“Yes, he did.”

“I did.”

Pidge and Keith say in unison.

The thumping of boxes stops. “How did you not get scratched??” Shiro calls out.

“Dude,” Pidge begins. “It was one of the cats on campus.”

When they don’t continue, Shiro pokes his head sideways out the kitchen and meets Pidge meaningful stare. “...Okay..?” He says.

Pidge’s stare intensifies.

“I really don’t know what the fuck you mean. Explain.”

Pidge rolls their eyes and walks to the couch where Keith is searching for Nirvana. They lift his legs and sit down, draping Keith’s legs over their lap. “Shiro,” they sigh. “Listen. You work on campus. You’re a TA. You walk there almost every day, how do you not know this?”

“Pidge, I swear to Morgan fuckin’ Freeman.” Shiro’s disembodied head is growing a frown.

“Okayokay, jeez. It’s basically a campus _legend_. It started with one infamous cat that started to hang around campus. We’re not really sure if he was a stray or just liked to visit, but he came so often people gave him a name and started calling him Henry—”

“It’s short for HElp ‘n cRY,” Keith added.

“Yeah.” Pidge pointed to Keith with their thumb. “That. So, stressed students would go to Henry for comforting cuddles when they felt like cutting their hair off in frustration. Then slowly the cat population grew and now we have a cat gang that’s entirely habituated to the weirdness of emotionally fragile students.”

Keith nods, dabbing the paper towel ices against his eyes. “We’ve got a fuckload of cats now.”

“Lol yeah,” Pidge continues. “And they’re needed. No one know where they’re coming from, but they tolerate almost everything. Some people even build a shrine in dedication to these cats where they offer food. Like they honestly believe these cats are incarnations of the Gods.”

“But,” Keith says with a raised finger. “People are still in debate which Gods. I personally am in favour of the Egyptian ones, but there’s also a huge support for the Norwegian Gods. I think there's gonna be another discussion next week.”

Shiro is lying on the ground, staring at the ceiling. “Mm okay? Oke. Sure. Why not. Gods in cats. On campus. Cats. Having shrines. Yes.”

Pidge flits their eyes from Shiro’s head, that’s having a conversation with the ceiling, to Keith, who’s testing how fast he needs to blink to make the ice blocks fall off.

“...  It’s hereditary,” they sigh.

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_2_  

Today is a beautiful afternoon. The sun is out and blazing, the birds are going caw caw, and students have been asking to be taught outside. Only the art classes were allowed the change of scenery and Keith is very glad his peers didn’t force him to go frolick between the butterflies.

After his last class finished he met up with Pidge, who right away started info dumping a theory about how technology is connected to Mother Nature and that being one with nature should help them code(?) Keith didn’t really follow their reasoning, but he couldn’t say no to their enthusiastic lil face.

Which is why Keith is currently sitting outside. On the grass. Studying. In his trademark black sweater, black skinny jeans and black biker boots. Yup. The sun is not being mean and Keith is absolutely not dying.

Pidge is sitting next to him against a tree. They’ve abandoned their textbook on their lap, plucking daisies out of the grass to add to their flower crown in making.

Keith has given up on studying too, and looks around campus with his pencil between his lips and his sketchbook against his chest.

What to draw.

He could finish his drawing of their century old uni building. Hm, or maybe Pidgey-pie and their daisies.. mmeh. Some dudes throwing a frisbee... the profile of two people playing cards on a bench... oh or the brown haired dude that’s joining them..

“Shit!” Keith accidentally flings his sketchbook away. “Pidge! Help, that’s Lance!” He shakes their shoulder. “Okay, cat cat cats where they at??”

“Keith, nonono, you can also just talk— Keith!” They yell as Keith darts away. “Shit.”

Keith has spotted a familiar orange cat lying in a circle of people Kumbaya-ing with a guitar, and swoops in to carry her out high on his arms. “Hi Cece,” he murmurs, dragging his nose over the space between her ears, suppressing the tickle in his throat.

When Keith gets back to a stressed Pidge, he holds out the orange ball of fluff. “Look!”

“Mew”

“Aw, yeah she is cute.” Pidge melts, and reaches up to stroke her. “Can I?” When Keith nods, they move their textbook out the way and put the cat in their lap. Then they dig through their bag and shove an inhaler in Keith’s wheezing face. “Dude, just take in your pills _before_ you go after a cat?” They rattle his jacket pocket on the grass between them. “They’re in here, you stupid.”

“Yeah yeah,” he says, looking to the now empty bench. “But did he see me?”

Pidge pulls a sympathetic face. “I dunno, dude. Sorry,” they say, petting the cat. Keith tries to squash down his disappointment and starts petting Cece, too.

After a few minutes, Pidge picks up their string of daisies and shorts it in, tying the ends off into a crown. “There,” they say, putting the crown on Cece’s head. “As a true goddess.”

Keith goes to pick up his frisbee’ed sketchbook with a smile and starts drawing Cece, the daisy queen.

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_3_

“ShirO can you help me?”

Shiro is sitting on the couch watching ‘How it’s Made: Nuts and Bolts’, when Keith comes home. “Waddup,” he says, tearing his eyes away from a machine that beautifully twists metal sticks into screws to look behind him.

Keith stands in the doorway with bloody scratches and a bite mark on his arm. “What the FUCK.” Shiro jumps up. “ What did you do?? First aid! FIRST aid!! Where is that first aid box??”

Keith looks at his arms. “It’s not that bad,” he says dismissively. “There’s something far more important. Shiro, I really, really need your help. I don’t think it’s doing well.”

“Nono, first aid first! Rest later.” Shiro says, throwing open cupboards. “Aha!” With the first aid kit under his arm he herds a protesting Keith to the bathroom and patches him up with disinfectants and band aids.

After ten minutes, Shiro takes a deep breath, letting the tension flow away. He’s too young to have grey hair, honestly. “Okay. I think this is enough,” he says, inspecting his bandage work. “So, what did you do?”

“Oh, yeah!” Keith shoots up. “I found an injured cat! You need to help me get him to the vet, I think there’s something wrong with his legs. It was walking all weird!”

Shiro drags a hand through his hair. “Oh shit okay. Let’s go get the car.”

**

“So, where to?” Shiro asks once they’re driving. “Where did you find this cat?”

“In an alleyway behind the diner.”

Shiro blinks “Right. What were you doing in an alleyway?”

Keith searches for the diner through his window. “Well I was on my way to the bookstore but then Lance came out of it and I needed a cat but then I saw one in the alley next to me and I was like ‘yay!’ so I chased it but I don’t think Lance saw me and the cat bit me and it still hurts.” Keith pouts and rubs over the row of Hello Kitty band aids Shiro stuck over the bite.

“No! Rubbing makes it worse!”

“Oh! There it is!” he puts his finger on the glass, pointing to the diner. Shiro parks the car and follows Keith out, who immediately runs to the alley. He looks inside for a second and then jumps up and down. “There he is! There he is! I saw him!”

“Okay, yah, I’m coming.” Shiro says and jogs the last few feet.

“Do you see it? The cat is behind the trash can— oh! Oh! There he goes!” Keith pulls on Shiro’s sleeve when he sees a puffy blur of gray and black move to the other side of the alley. “See?? He scurrying all weird.” Keith turns towards Shiro with big eyes. “Do you think there’s something wrong with his leg?”

Shiro takes in how Keith’s cat is currently digging through the trash, swishing its black-ringed tail back and forth. “I—” Shiro starts, his voice shooting up two octaves. Rounded white ears immediately satellite in his direction, glancing to both of them with eyes that are hidden in thick black stripes of mask-like fur. “Keith?” Shiro says unblinkingly.

“That’s.. a raccoon.”

Keith tilts his head to the side. “Huh.”

“You got bitten.. by a raccoon.” Shiro laughs weakly. He reaches for his phone. “Google,,” He lifts his phone close to his face and types out loud. “Does.. Keith.. have.. rabies??” Shiro squeezes his eyes shut and presses enter. “Plsplsplsplspls googlllle.” He opens his eyes and looks at the screen.

‘ _lol no,’_ it says.

Shiro breathes out and releases the tension in his shoulders. “Don’t do that again,” he says, cuffing Keith over his head, and walking back to their car. “Holy shit,” he says to himself. “Dear How It’s Made entity, help my poor soul. Bath bombs, ye, bath bombs. Show me how they make bath bombs, blease.”

Keith lingers and looks into the alley one last time, seeing the raccoon eye him curiously. “Bye Edwin,” he says with a small wave, and jogs to catch up with his brother.

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_4  
_

Keith is on his way to the supermarket with Shiro to get some groceries. The weekend just started and they felt like they deserved a game night after this stressing hell week. He did make all his deadlines, so he's very proud of that, but let’s eraaase it from ze mind.

“And now i have this huge pile of essays to grade, but I don’t think most of them are even trying??” Shiro says. “It’s so frustrating, you know? Because I know they can....” Shiro’s monologue fades to the background as Keith spots a navy hoodie on the other side of the street, groceries in hand.

“Oh my god. There he is,” he interrupts Shiro.

“?? Who is?”

“There!” Keith points to Lance, while he looks around him wildly.

“Oh, isn’t that—”

“Quick! Where???”

“I think he’s in my—”

“WheRE?? I just need..” then Keith spots a policeman and his dog trying to get in their squad car. “aHAH” He runs away.

“Keith? What are y—” Shiro trails off, his eyes flitting between Lance, Keith, and? The police? Then he zooms in and his eyes widen so much they could have lifted off if they were helium balloons “akshdg dOG,” he says and sprints after him. The fucker is fast, but this fucker is faster. Shiro grabs Keith around his waist and stops him an inch before his hand could have touched a dog snoot.

Holding back a struggling Keith, he slowly looks up to meet the indignation in the policeman's eyes. “Dear sirs!” The police man scolds. “I sure hope you are aware—”

“Nuhhhh ShirO LEGGO” Keith shouts, thrashing around.

Shiro smiles apologetically. “Really, really sorry. We’re just gonna…” he says, trying to put all his weight into dragging Keith away.

“Shi-ro!” Keith protests. “I hafta!”

They are in balance. With a netto force of zero they are stuck in time. The world would keep spinning and people would keep aging, but they could have been frozen in this limbo for centuries, fighting the touch of the dog snoot. To snoot, or not to snoot, that’s the struggle.

“Okay, that’s enough,” says Shiro. He stops pulling Keith back, and lifts him up and over his shoulder.

The battle has been won.

“NoooooOO” cries Keith, giving a few last trashes as he’s being carried away, before slumping in defeat.

“Hi Shiro!” a cheery voice says. “What’s up?”

“Oh, hey Lan— Whoops,” Shiro says, correcting for the electric boogie Keith did over his shoulder. “Yeah, he tried to pet a police dog, which is just a dumb decision if you ask me. I mean, if you want to impress—”

Keith elbows him in the back, hard.

“Ow, fuck! I mean,, everyone know police dogs are off limits when they’re on the job. Not a good choice if you want to impress a cOP.”

“Impress a cop??” Lance asks, eyebrows climbing over his hairline.

“Yeah, my brother still has some open fines, because of.. What was it? Graffiti?”

“Shiro!” Keith hisses, stomping him again. “Stop talking!”

“Anyway,” Shiro continues. “He’s one broke fucker.”

“Huh.. okay. Well, I’ve got to go that way.” Lance points to the direction they came from. “I guess I’ll see you next week, in class.”

“Cool, see ya,” Shiro says, raising a hand in greeting.

“Bye Keith.”

Keith looks up, surprised. “Bye..?” He watches those brown curls bounce away. “He knows my—” He stomps Shiro again.

“Fuck! Dude, that’s gonna bruise!”

“I hope it does!! Why did you have to embarrass me?? ‘My graffiti’? And I’m broke now??”

“Honestly, you embarrassed yourself all on your own,” Shiro says over his shoulder as he walks through the doors of the supermarket. “A police dog. Really?”

“Oka-ay. I get it.” Keith hides his face in his hands. “Uhhhh. Own fault. Blahbah. Just put me down, please.”

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_5  
_

Keith fumbles the box out of his pocket, dry swallows one of his pills, and takes off running. “AAAAHH!!” There he goes, mullet flapping in the wind. What an icon.

“Keith! Keith they don't wOrk THAT FAST GDI.” Pidge starts after him, but facepalms with a groan after a few paces, and just watches Keith pet a strange dog through their fingers.

After a few minutes, Keith walks back to Pidge with a runny nose and a dopey smile. “I think he saw me.”

“You think he—” Pidge takes a deep, deep breath. “OF COURSE HE SAW YOU EVERYONE WOULD NOTICE A SOMEONE LAUNCHING HIMSELF AT A DOG WITH A BATTLECRy.”

Keith gasps and touches his cheeks. “He really saw me.”

Pidge facepalms again, leaving a hand print on their forehead. “Please wipe your snot away,” they sigh, handing Keith a tissue. “But yes,” they add fondly, “behind you. I’m pret-ty sure he noticed.”

Keith turns his head, where he finds Lance staring at him through a coffee shop window with his chin in his hands, and Keith’s mouth falls open in wonder. Lance sees him looking back and gives a small wave, smiling softly. Stunned to silence, Keith breaks into a smile that lights up his face. With wide and sparkling eyes, he turns to Pidge. “!!!!” he flails at them, “!!!!!!!! ! ! !!!!!”

“I know.” Pidge giggles. “We have to go to class, though! I’m sure you’ll see him again.” When Keith keeps staring over Pidge’s head with a 1000 Watt smile, they pat his shoulder. “... He broke you.” They take him by the arm and start to lead him to their class. “It’s okay. Let’s go.”

  
^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
_+1  
_

“What are you doing?? You’re not in hIGH SCHOOl.” Pidge shouts as Keith sprints to a familiar orange cat and practically belly slides over the grass to lie down next to her. Pidge groans. “Why try.” They lift their shoulders in the perfect ¯\\_(:/)_/¯ “Why try.”

Keith gives his cat small kisses on her head, before he puts her on his chest and pets her mechanically. “Prrr” goes the cat as Keith looks at the sky, contemplating toe beans.

“Hey there, you ok?” Someone approaches him cautiously.

Keith looks over and takes a deep breath. Omgomg it Lance! Flawless plan hell ye. He snaps up to sit straight, launching the cat off his chest in an arc.

“mROW”

“CECE noo,” Keith says, making grabby as his cat prances away. “Don’t leave!! me :(”

Lance furrows his brows. “Cece? I didn’t know she had a name?

“Oh, yeah it’s an abbreviation,” Keith says, mourning his Betrayal of Trust.

“CC,” Lances says, scrunching his nose “Oh! For Campus Cat, right?”

Keith look confused and mumbles, “Campus.. Cat?” He nods quickly. “Mmhm yes, Campus Cat. Campus Cat. That’s what it’s short for. Yes absolutely.”

“Aw, that’s such a cute nickname!” Lance says, watching Cece lay down next to another cat.

Ayy smooth, KING of smooth. Keith coughs. Yup, there’s no way he’s telling Lance he meant to name the cat after cc, like the mail thing. Bc tbh, he didn’t? understand? either of them?? Why did this cat join the cat gang? What is her origin story?? And why the fUCK would you even need a cc?? Just fucking paste the email behind everyone else's in the mass chain mail jeez frick don’t be difficult.

“Yo,” Lance waves his arm. “Yo dude”.

“Huh?”

“I was asking if there a reason you’re laying on this damp grass at 9am? Do you have another exam this week?”

Keith shakes his head.

“Oh okay, nice! Me neither. I’ve seen you around the cats a lot the last few weeks, and I thought, you know, maybe you were still stressing.”

Omgomg it DID work! Keith’s a genius and Pidge can suck it.

“But,” Lance went on, “are you sure you’re okay? Your eyes are a bit red.”

… shitsticks. “Uhm yeah. Uh, my eyes are— because… uhhh.. cATS ARe just so beautiful you know.” Keith starts rubbing his eyes to really sell it. This only makes the itch worse.

Lance clutches his chest and smiles. “Aw, a soft heart!! Okay, so.. I was wondering, maybe? Coffee— nice beverage. And early! It’s early,” he says, waving his arms around.

Keith keeps staring and nods a bit like uhuh yeee keep goinnn.

“If you’ve got some time now— uh today, do you maybe want to go, with me, get some coff— “

“YES.” Keith pulls a hand through his hair. “I mean, yeah, I’d love to.”

“Nice!!” Lance brightens up. “Are you free now?”

“Well, I need to do some shit first,” Keith winces, hoping Pidge has brought the cat hair eyes ice. “How about… 1 pm?”

“Uh.” Lance peers at his watch-less wrist for a few seconds. “Yeah, that’s fine! At the main coffeeshop?”

“Hhhh yeahhh,” Keith breathes out, leaning on his knuckles.

“Alright, see you there.” Lance winks at him.

Keith’s heart feels like it could take off soaring.

When Lance is gone, he jumps up to do a small victory dance. People are still too numb at 9 am to notice him doing the macarena anyway. “Pidge!” He skips his way back to them, all smiley and wheezing. “I!” A rattling breath. “Date!!”

Pidge rolls their eyes with a small smile. “I think you need these.” They throw Keith’s box of antihistamine at him. “I heard half of it, so imma grab my stuff and then you can tell me more on the way home, cool?”

Keith nods enthusiastically, clapping his hands together.

“Pretty you up and shit,” they say, gesturing to Keith’s swollen eyes.

“Guh, Pidge,” Keith says, drawing Pidge in for a hug and ruffling their hair. “I love you so much.”

“Aw, I love you too, dude.” They push their hair out of their face and pat Keith on the back. “Pls just, meds. I swear.”

^•^ ^•^ ^•^ ^•^  
[spongebob narrator voice]  
_Two years later_

“Okay, so I was thinking,” Lance says, sitting with Keith on their couch. “Since we got a tolerant landlord and stuff. Maybe we can adopt a pet?”

“Oh, sure,” Keith says, not looking up from the game on his phone.

“Would you want a dog or a cat? Because I think we'd have time for a dog, and I personally love both of them, so what do you prefer?”

“Mmm nah, I'm allergic to those. I love bunnies, though. Let’s adopt a bunny. They are waaay softer than—”

“WHAT???? KEITH”

“Hmm?” Keith hums, all chill. Then his eyes widen as he sees flashes of orange fluff with spots of daisy, and realisation hits him smack dab in the face. "Oh shiii- uhm, yea, uh, did you hear that I think Shiro called m— I need to— BYE' and dives out the window.

“DUDE ohmygod” Lance runs to the window and hangs half out of it. “Keith sTOP DOing that!”

But Keith has already taken off.

“KEITH GET BACK HERE" Lance screams, but his boyfriend keeps racing like he’s being chased by a cattle of mormons that have every intention to make him Stop and Listen by yelling ‘hello! hELLO!’ after him in perfect harmony until their voices go hoarse.

Lance throws his hand up. “I can't beliEVE,” he calls out. He flops back down on the couch and stares in front of him. Just a 3 minute freeze as Lance is Processing.. Processing…. Proceeeeeeesssingggggg.

*Ding*

“Oh my god,” he sighs, a small smile tugging on his lips. Keith is an idiot. Making friends with Cece.. for him? An idiot. _H_ _is_ idiot, but still an idiot.

Making himself comfortable, he gets his tablet to look up information on how to care for bunnies. He thought Shay’s animal shelter had bunnies, too, but he’s not sure. He should ask her.

He calls dibs on naming the bun, though. The squirrel that’s spinning around the bird feeder at neck breaking speed is his witness. His perfect name for the bun.. would be in honour of his previous pets: Ricky the dog and Brianna the cat. Maybe a combination of both.

Merging both names would make.. Rianna? Bricky? Lance nods. Bricky it will be.

Brick, for short.

**Author's Note:**

> ayy i canNOT believe this keyboard smash is the first fic i posted instead of one of my two serious-ish wip’s
> 
> if you made it this far and survived my bad humor: ouaaais! what a miracle. click that kudos button to shoot some finger guns in my direction if you liked it, or leave me a comment with your thoughts! :D
> 
> my tumblr: [inayrus](https://inayrus.tumblr.com)  
> the klance fic rec blog: [klanceficatalogue](https://klanceficatalogue.tumblr.com)
> 
> thank you for reading!!  
> \- Vallie


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